A Redneck Love Poem

Well, as usual, the author of this little poem is unknown... I wish I had written it, but it wasn't me this time...

Susie Lee done fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
she told her Pappy so.








Pappy told her," Susie gal,

you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
but K'Joe is yo' half-brother."

So Susie put aside her Joe
amd planned to marry Will.
But after tellin' Pappy this,
 he said, "There's trouble still.

You can't marry Will, my gal,
and please don't tell yo' mother.
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half-brother."

Redneck Doorbell

But Mama knew, and said," My child,
just do what makes ya' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe;
you ain't no kin to Pappy."

Kinda' brangs a tear to yer eye,  don't it?

Shalom  Y'all - Twyla

A Whale Story

           A relative sent me this story per email.  It seemed like a good one to pass along... so...




   ...The Whale... If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso and a line tugging in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands  (outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.

               

 When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them.
                Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

              

  May you and all those you love be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude..I pass this on to you, my family & friends, in the same spirit.

                Life is good.







Shalom  Y'all - Twyla

Seven Amazing Home Remedies

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. 

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK. 

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE 

PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.  REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. 

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH. 

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.  IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.  IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE: 

NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A LAXATIVE AND SLEEPING PILLS ON THE SAME NIGHT!

SHALOM  Y'ALL - TWYLA

So God Made a Farmer

Paul Harvey wrote this many years ago.  It seemed appropriate to use it on "Green Acres".  Hope y'all will enjoy it as much as I did.


And on the eighth day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said I need a caretaker- So God made a Farmer

God said I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, milk the cows, work all day in the field, milk cows again, eat supper then go to town and stay past midnight at a meeting of the school board-So God made a Farmer


I need somebody with arms strong enough to wrestle a calf and yet gentle enough to deliver his own grandchild; somebody to call hogs,tame cantankerous machinery, come home hungry, have to await lunch until his wife's done feeding visiting ladies, then tell the ladies to be sure and come back real soon, and mean it-So God made a Farmer

God said I need somebody willing to sit up all night with a newborn colt, and watch it die, then dry his eyes and say maybe next year. I need someboby who can shape an axe handle from a persimmon sprout, shoe a horse with a hunk of car tire, who can make a harness out of hay wire, feed sacks and shoe straps, who at planting time and harvest season will finish his forty hour week by Tuesday noon and then, paining from tractor back, will put in another 72 hours- So God made a Farmer





God had to have somebody willing to ride the ruts at double speed to get the hay in ahead of the rain, and yet stop in midfield and race to help when he sees first smoke from a neighbor's place-So God made a Farmer

God said I need somebody strong enough to clear trees and heave bales,  yet gentle enough to wean lambs and pigs and tend to pink combed pullets; who will stop his mower for an hour to splint the broken leg of a meadowlark. It had to be somebody who'd plow deep and straight and not cut corners; somebody to seed, feed, breed, and rake and disk and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and replenish the self-feeder and a hard week's work with a five-mile drive to church. Somebody who would bale a family together with the soft, strong bonds of sharing; who would laugh and then sigh, and reply with smiling eyes when his son says he wants to spend his life doing what dad does-
So God made a Farmer


      SHALOM  Y'ALL - Twyla

It's Baaack!

Well, it's not up here in the North Georgia Mountains yet, but it will be in a coupla' weeks.  Friends and family from Atlanta to Gainesville, GA are already experiencing the ubiquitous,  lovely,  yellow-green  powder which dusts everything from vehicles to picnic tables to old men's toupees...

photo by JKiersow

Lots of folks get hay fever at this time of year, and most of them blame the pine pollen.  But, truth be known, most of those with allergies are actually allergic to oak, which blooms simultaneously with the pines.  I don't know why that is important to know, but now we all know it!



      SHALOM  Y'ALL -


              Twyla

Chickens On Crack!

Blondie, on crack... look at his mouth closely...

Okay... last week I went to the feed store to get laying pellets for the chickens.  A couple days later,  Moshe opened the bag and we realized that the fellow who carried the bag of feed out to the Jeep accidentally gave me chick mash rather than laying pellets. The bags look identical, except for the name printed at the tops of the bags.

Please,  Sir,  we want MORE...

Having already opened the 25-pound bag, and knowing that we had 21 hungry poultry out in the coops, we made the decision to go ahead and feed them the chick mash until it is used up... Now, I don't know what's in chick mash, but - wow - do chickens ever love it!  Is it the ingredients?  Or, is it because that's what they had as babies, and so it's comfort food? You know,l  Like hot chocolate.  Or applesauce.  Or cookies.  Or ?????

Bottoms up, y'all

The first day, I scattered the mash on the ground the same way I throw corn or pellets.  The chickens were literally jumping on top of each other to get it!  I thought must be unusually hungry, although I didn't know of any reason why they should 've been...

Get outta' my way...

The second day, Moshe suggested that I mix the mash with water like I did when the chickens were babies.  It's been windy, and he had seen some of the mash being swept away in the wind.  So, I mixed it and carried the pail of wet mash out to the coops.  Again, the chickens literally jumped up and down at the smell of the mash!  And, as I put spoonfuls of the "chicken porridge" into the feeders, they were like crazed junkies!  My gosh, now I know the definition of  a "feeding frenzy"!

Having heard from me about our crack addicts, Moshe came with me the third day  to observe their behavior.  Not only did they act the same, but one chicken literally rode piggyback on another trying to be first at the feeder.  And, not wanting to feel left out, our new cat,  Pickles, got into the act.  Imagine, one small cat and a hungry mob of chickens eating  mash out of a bowl.
Such is life at the Ben-David farm...  I', still shaking my head and asking myself, "Exactly WHAT is in that chick food???"



Shalom  Y'all - Twyla

Banana Convention, Anyone?

So, we were in the local supermarket this morning and spotted this sign:

My question is, were these bananas at a convention of some sort?  They seem to be seated in an arena or stadium, as if eagerly awaiting a guest speaker???  Just how long will they have to wait?  How many days will the convention last?  Are there banana hookers at the Banana Hilton???  What in the heck is banana cream?  Are banana chips the results of  too much banana cream?  If so, why are banana chips more expensive than bananas or banana cream?

Inquiring minds want to know...

The other - equally important - question is,  "If it's not a conventional banana, then, just what kind of banana is it?"  A civil union banana?  A cross-dresser banana?  An idiosyncratic banana?  Avant-garde bananas? Unorthodox?  Eccentric?  Or, merely odd?  These questions and much much more will no doubt be discussed over dinner tonight at the Ben-David Ranch... Don't you wish you were here?