When I was about sixteen or seventeen, I was sitting in the den with my parents. Mom and I were watching TV, and Dad was sitting there with us, but he was reading. Mom passed a bit of gas - a bit noisily. She and I chuckled a tiny bit, and that would've been that... except that my Dad, apparently misunderstanding the sound because he was reading, said, "What 'd you say?" Well, that struck Mom and me so funny! We laughed and laughed. My Dad kept saying, "Well, what's so funny? WHAT did you say?" And every time he would ask, we would laugh even harder. Finally, Dad left the room, saying, "Well. If you won't let me in on the joke, I'll just leave." I don't know if Mom ever told him the "secret word", but I know I didn't!
When I was even younger - probably thirteen or fourteen - I frequently took walks down our winding country road. I would walk down the road when it was about time for my Mom to come home, then hitch a ride back home with her. It was a way to have some alone-time with Mom, I guess. So, one day, I was walking... I hadn't gotten very far when I saw her little red car come around the bend. Feeling silly, I went out into the middle of the road, turned around with my back to the car, and wiggled my butt. I danced around, jumped some, then wiggled my butt some more. I turned to try to see Mom's face because I knew she should be getting close... Just as I turned, I saw the little red car turn into the neighbor's driveway. The neighbors apparently had bought a new car without asking for my permission. In the car was the mother of the household and her very cute son who was a year or two older than me... Ugh.
About ten years ago, I decided to try my hand at selling my house by myself. I put ads in the papers, sent out flyers, etc. The house I was selling was a big old house on the "Historic List", so it drew a lot of attention. But, it was a lot of work! Many people were just curious to see inside an old house which had been restored and was full of antiques. Trying to be my own real estate agent was a horrible experience, and it definitely worked on my nerves... So, one evening when a rather rude man phoned me with a dozen or so questions, I was getting tired of playing the game. It was obvious that this man thought a lot of himself and not much of other people. His questions were obviously designed to make my house seem "yucky" so that he could make a low ball offer... Finally, he asked me about the railroad tracks, which were about six blocks from the house. (It was a well-known fact that everyone in the town was within hearing distance of the train; you get used to it, and never pay it any notice after a week or so) But, what he asked was, "Do you hear the railroad tracks very often?" I answered, "No, sir. I can honestly say that I have never heard them." He hung up... Imagine that!
Sitting in church many years ago, I was amazed and amused when the pastor began his sermon with the following: "Folks, as you sit out there in your church pews, you probably don't realize that the word "pew" comes from the Latin verb, "pew-ee"... And, I started chuckling. Couldn't help myself. Couldn't control it. It started as a small snicker, then built, y'know? Nobody else in that church laughed. I didn't stay in that church very long...
Another church experience: The church service was about to begin. The Associate Pastor made the announcements - you know, stuff like the next church social will be a potluck picnic on such and such a date, etc. His last announcement went something like this: "The water has been temporarily cut off for the restrooms, so y'all will need to use the restrooms in the fellowship hall. If you or your children need to use the restroom, you'll need to walk up one of the side aisles and go outside and on to the fellowship hall. Don't worry about disrupting the service; no matter what, God is still on the throne." Unlike the previous church experience, at least fifty people starting roaring with laughter.  |
| by NYelta |
When my Grandmother passed away, we had her funeral and viewing in the small town I lived in for so many years. She had been an invalid for a long time, and really didn't know much of anybody other than her visiting nurses. She didn't know anyone in my town other than family, so I was very surprised when an elderly lady came in to Grandma's visitation room. The lady was flashy - she had bright-red-dyed hair, lots of rouge and lipstick, colorful clothes - almost clown-like. She came up next to me, looked at Grandma, and asked, "Who is she?" I answered with Grandma's name, and asked the lady how she was acquainted with my Grandmother. The flashy lady replied: "Oh, I don't know her. I don't know anybody here today. I just come to the funeral home every day and walk around to see who died." Now, THAT is small-town USA!
One time when I was in my mid-twenties I went to the movies with my neighbors. We were taking my friend's little girl to see "Snow White" Upon entering the lobby, an excited little girl came running up to me, dragging her Daddy with her. "Are you Snow White?, she said. I smiled at her, and her father said, "We just saw the movie, and you DO look a lot like Snow White." I thanked them, told the little girl that she looked like Cinderella, and we our separate ways. At the time I guess I really DID sort of look like Snow White... I had medium-length black hair, very fair skin. I was slender, and I was wearing a cherry-red jumper that day over a black blouse. Well, I just couldn't stop thinking about that encounter. It made me feel so pretty!!!Near the end of the movie, I realized I wasn't going to make it through the show without a trip to the ladies room. So, of course, I excused myself and found the women's bathroom. When I came out of the restroom and through the lobby, I noticed several people were watching me. I thought, "Wow. I need to wear this red jumper more often! These people really think I'm attractive!" Then, as I arrived at the auditorium door, I looked down to see where the doorknob was. And I saw a piece of toilet paper about ten feet long which had stuck to my shoe in the restroom. Oh, pride goeth before destruction and an haughty spirit before a fall!
Shalom Y'all - Twyla
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